You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
