i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
