Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
