he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
