He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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