Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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