just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
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