I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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