i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
