I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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