how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
