allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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