just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I want to have your abortion
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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