are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
