Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
