a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
