Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
