it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
