I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
