how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize