Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
