Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
