Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize