u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
if only i could text you this smell
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
3 2 1 whiskey
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
