She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Randomize