my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize