Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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