Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
