I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
