As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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