apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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