You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
