went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
