I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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