how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Randomize