also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
