it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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