If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
