We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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