So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
