You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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