I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
