you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
