shes about as inviting as chlamydia
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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