Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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