Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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