I feel great
I just peed on a car
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Randomize
