He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
