i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
