okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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