I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
