my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
