I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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