this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
