I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
