My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
