I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
