just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize