just come out here and I will go home with you...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
