Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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