so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
