is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
