I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
The struggles of a small town man whore
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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