Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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