yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
