I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
