I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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