we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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