Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
