i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
time to smoke my breakfast
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
