the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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