My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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