I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize