OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize