The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
