I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
