70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize