He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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