Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
someone owes me an orgasm
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
